wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
