What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
