i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
