just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
