My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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