the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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