It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
