just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
