a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
