How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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