Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
