I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
