she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
