i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
4 words: hood of his car
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
