dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
