obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
