i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
