ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
