he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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