I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
