was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
