Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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