don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
