im having a threesome with these popsicles
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
