Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
