There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
