Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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