come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
