Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
