ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
