he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
