There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The adults are the big ones right?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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