Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
