i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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