...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
