i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
