gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
