I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
