I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Randomize
