eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
