I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
