1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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