thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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