I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
