every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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