Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
