fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
