brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
