I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
