So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
