My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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