Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
